The band looked promising at first. The lead singer was a site for sore eyes, with chiseled muscles and the goth version of Liza Minelli's coif. The bassist looked like he was in Legolas's posse, with Egyptian eye makeup and Elven features. Finally, the bassist had a rock version of the Rachael 'do, a pot belly, and Slash's guitar.
As soon as the music started, which was old people's emo with titles/choruses such as "Leave Me Alone" and "Without You," I realized they were a modern Spinal Tap (unbeknownst to them). The singer obviously practices his moves in front of the mirror, and then dictates the choreography to the rest of the guys at what must be dreadful rehearsals.
The choice move: he and the bassist would do one-legged lunges, then nod threateningly at each other in time with the chords. The bassist was usually concentrating on his playing, but would then get a look on his face of obligation, and then start jumping up and down... off beat.
There was a tiny platform at the front of the stage, and the singer jumped onto it to sneer at the audience and show off his barre chords. As soon as he hopped off to hike his leg on the drum riser and sneer over there, the shy bassist tried to jump onto the platform. However, the singer had his foot on the bassist's chord, so the bass player awkwardly snapped back from the platform like a yo-yo.
The guitarist put in too much conditioner, and his hair was silky smooth. So smooth that it would drape down in front of his eyes every time he did a solo, forcing him to flamboyantly flip his head back. But whereas Axl Rose does that and a glorious, triumphant mane follows, this guy's Rachael 'do would sadly slide right back into its inconvenient place.
The finale featured a blasphemy in staging: while the guitarist did lead vocals on one song, the normal lead singer jumped up onto the platform into a patch of spotlight, and started lunge-playing again. When someone else is guest singing, you don't upstage them by showering yourself in white light and aggressively touting your badly played power chords. I was praying he'd twist his ankle in his elevator boots and fall off stage.
What upstaged all of them, however, was a drunken, potbellied fellow in the audience that danced in the empty bar like he owned the place through the whole set. His chioce moves were:
1. Toe tapping like a gazelle and
2. Clasping his hands above his head and schwinging his hip to the side
He looked like Humpty Dumpty doing a burlesque version of the choreography in Jest Rock's Bicycle Race.
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